My First Encounter With Some Guidos

I just want to make it clear that I'm not going to name any people or give any information about where I was to protect the people in this story, as well as myself, because DAYM those Guidos were so roided up it was ridiculous.

I want to say that I didn't think that Guidos are real, never in my life have I seen one. I thought they were just mythical creatures from Youtube. I honestly didn't think they were real. I have always thought that a guido was just a derogatory term for an italian like spic or chink. Boy, was I wrong. They are fascinating creatures. As I continue sharing my experience, I wish to delve deeper into the Guido psyche.

Before I get to the good stuff, I'd just like to say how amazing the party host's house is. When first getting there I noticed a beautiful blanket of stars over the house like it was a canvas of a beautiful painting. Definitely something you don't see every day in Newark. It's three floors of balcony, a very sexy house. It isn't even finished and it looks better than anything I've ever been in. The basement was bigger than my lecture hall. It was so big they had a scooter in their living room.

First, I would like to explain a little about the Guidos. 

Here's a little excerpt from UrbanDictionary (The first definition was an essay itself so I declined to use it because it was too big):

"The Guido is an entirely American phenomena, with its epicenter in the New York/ New Jersey metropolitan area. Although most of its examples are of Italian-American descent, manytimes other non-descript Caucasians will follow suit in an attempt to achieve an identity- in fact any identity. The Guido is highly recognizable by his attention to muscular development, status symbols, and regional dialect. Guidos are fortunate in that they usually tend to be loyal to their heritage and cultures."

My Observation of the Male Guido

The first thing I can see when entering the house I noticed how ridiculously large their muscles were. This one guy's arms were bigger than my head, and that's scary. They are definitely taking anabolic steroids, no doubt about it. Not to say that supplements are bad. I take protein when I work out, but I would never use steroids or creatine. Despite being the only asian in the house, It's probably valid to say I probably have a bigger penis than all the Guidos in the room combined.

You can smell the cheap cologne off of these guys, it was disgusting. When thinking of what a Guido may be, I picture popped collars and Hollister or American Eagle for some reason. But only Hollister was seen last night, the other Guidos were topless because they wanted to present their roided up bodies to the drunk, probably under-age, white girls in the room. Though there were some underlying things in common about their wardrobe; they wore their pants halfway off their ass so you can see their boxer-briefs, they wore really tight shirts (In this case, Wife-beaters if they weren't topless) and they wore their hats backwards/sideways. 

The way the Guidos spoke was exactly as I imagined, retarded. Their speech was slurred despite not being drunk yet, and to make up for having small penises they all acted like they were tough. For example, when observing a male guido try to spark conversation with a probably underage female (I'll get to them later), "You mess with my hat, I'm going to give you two things, my left and right fist." He said this to a girl, I SHIT YOU NOT, assuming he was trying to impress her by showing he was as the alpha male. Speaking of alpha male, this one guido grabbed one of my friends and threatened to fuck him up because he thought the guy was lying about not having any cigarettes. Another thing that is noteworthy is the way they rapped to songs. They huddled together and did this weird gorilla dance while rapping, though it wasn't rapping at all. It was more of a.....telling of words. i.e. imagine a roided up gorilla reading a paragraph. Click Here to see an example of how they danced.

The Probably Under-Age Females

The females at the party were pretty retarded as well, for three reasons; They were probably under-age, they might be 18 but still in high school, and they were spoiled white trash. It's obvious how shallow they were considering how they followed the Guidos. Though they can't be entirely retarded because they stayed with each other, assuming because they were scared of being isolated and gang banged by the roided up guineas. The things that I saw last night only happens in the movies, girls aren't this stupid in college either. I missed my girlfriend so much last night. Did I mention they were probably under-age? I was the oldest guy in the house. I felt like I should have left thinking that I might be the one getting in deep shit if the party got raided.

The Topless Blunder

One very noteworthy female was in the basement playing flip-cup, a game in which you are supposed to drink a cup then place it on the edge of the table and flick it so it lands upside down. This was no ordinary game of flip-cup. It was a variation that included the losing team stripping off one piece of clothing. Not only did this ridiculous girl agree to play, she played alone. Not to mention, she started off by taking her belt off before starting. The guys she was playing against were definitely cheating, EVERYONE in the room could see it. She was even acknowledging that she saw that everyone was cheating, yet she still played.

Okay, considering my explanation, it's obvious that she lost. She got down to just her panties. (Sorry guys, no pictures) It's sad to say that they were the first pierced nipples I've ever seen. I would have wanted to see them on my girlfriend, if on someone. Though I think they are disgusting. Even at that point, SHE WAS STILL WILLING TO PLAY. It was a good thing her friend was there to try to stop her. She made the girl put on a button up shirt. Yes, she STILL tried to play afterwards. She ended up taking her panties off. Later in the night you could see her curled up like a cat puking in a bucket as well as gagging on the puke in her water cup.

Probably the Third Best Experience Ever.

Meeting my current girlfriend, the first. At this point I don't want to talk about guidos anymore. I don't want to think about them anymore either. As they are fascinating creatures, it's best to not think about them ever again. I picture WWE wrestlers when imaging the guido's physique, all roided up like gorillas. They obviously have no respect for girls and were just looking to get laid last night.

But I did do a lot of amazing things last night. Like climb up to the second floor balcony from the living room, twice. AND SOLVING A RUBIK'S CUBE. I HAVE NEVER SOLVED A RUBIK'S CUBE IN MY LIFE. I wasn't ridiculously trashed because of witnessing all that happened, it left me a feeling of shock and awe that I was literally one of the smartest people in the room.

New Semester!

Yay for a new semester!

I've been longing for the new semester to start.

I miss being able to fall asleep next to my baby. Also being able to wake up next to her and kiss her. It's an awesome feeling being able to do that. It sucks having to sneak in to her house for a kiss.

So yeah, our first big date was awesome.

I took her to Dizzy's Jazz club in NYC. It's a sexy place with a view of the skyline. The venue is very mellow and cool. Before we got there we walked around and found a sandwich shop to eat at. Twas very good. I forget what we ate but we did have a Kahlua Chocolate Cheesecake. THAT WAS AMAZING.

Then we walked around the mall for a bit. Took pictures in the stores, watched my baby put on $500 heels. She didn't know this, but in my head I was taking notes of all the stuff she wanted, it was funny, in my head. Like Laura Geller Fresh Baked Beauty from Sephora. A couple months down the line, don't be surprised if I get you something lol.

We sat in the Samsung store. Crazy koreans and their technology. We sat on a couch and held each other for a bit while watching an Iron Man Bluray on a 60 inch LCD tv. Now that's HD!
Speaking of Bluray, there was Bluray makeup at Sephora. I was like WTF? Then I saw it was made specifically for movies, which is kind of cool. The colors were so vivid.

Afterwards we finally went to the Jazz Club. The lady there told us to come an hour later for student prices, thats why we walked around the mall. She was wrong though. We still had to pay full price but it was worth it. Because they messed up for us they gave us a table instead, which is cool because usually we have to pay more for those. I was so happy. My baby looked so cute while she was watching/listening to the band. I was very glad that she enjoyed it. We ended up ordering drinks, or at least I did, because she didn't have her id. But we did order food. WHICH WAS AMAZING. Jalapeno Corn bread, String Beans, Mac and Cheese, nuff said. Nuff freakin said. JALAPENO CORN BREAD.

After the show was over we went to Tasti D Lite and had some ice cream. She got Black Forest ice cream (I think?) and I had Cappucinno with Oreo. We went over to the fountains at Columbus circle and sat down, ending our perfect night.

Allan K Chalmers once said "The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."

This girl is beautiful. My feelings for her grow stronger and stronger each day. I want to do anything and everything with her. I want to know anything and everything about my baby. And I can only hope that we become best friends in our relationship and one day be able to tell one another, "I love you."

I look forward to this summer. Going to the beach and seeing her in a sexy two-piece, taking her out to Dave and Busters in the city, I want to do so much.

That's it for now, I'll make another post later about other junk in my life.

Too lazy to do the hardcore layout, so I'm sticking to this one.

My first blog!

Woo so this is my first blog.

Too lazy to edit the html right now, but when I'm done with this I'll be able to post videos and stuff.

I'd like to dedicated this first post to Andria Park.

Being my current girlfriend, she makes me very happy.

I will be blogging about the reoccuring instances of euphoric splendor that she gives me.

She is one hot tamale, if I may say. She's beautiful, sexy, etc. The whole she-bang.

I will never forget the night she came to my fraternity house. She and her friends went to one of my house parties. They were all grouped together by the couch wall. And my was she beautiful.

That's about when we started talking, per se.

One could say that she put all the moves on me, because I was a nervous wreck whenever I tried to talk to her. It started out as facebook stalking, it took me forever to say hi to her even just online. Ultimately, the times I have tried to talk to her were times where I just said, "Fuck it" and slammed on the Enter key, and I'm glad I did. Because she is just amazing.

Then there was that night we went to TKE together. Normally, I NEVER go to other houses. Psi U is my Fishbowl. At other houses, I'm Fish outta water. But I knew I had to do this. Also, I went dancing with her. I NEVER DO THAT EITHER. You could say I danced out of fear. While we were "dancing," per se, I was sooooo terrified that she wouldn't like me because I didn't know how to dance. So I looked around the room and trying to emulate everyone there. Ironically, it wasn't much. Everyone was humping and grinding each other, more or less. I have never sweat more profusely in my life! When we got back to the dorms, Andria holding my hand. And I felt sooo good. It continued in her room, when I was watching her play the sims.

That part is where I started thinking about her more and more. Did the fact that she held hands with me means she likes me? I would ask myself, most of the time in doubt.

The Friday after TKE I took Andria and Sumona out for sushi, because they cooked quesedillas for me. I WAS TERRIFIED. Sumona was grilling me like a skirt steak, not until after being marinated for 3 days. I was talking to her more than Andria. I was too scared to even look at Andria. After sushi we all went to my room to play Soul Calibur 4 till 4 in the morning. Then I had work at 8. I didn't care, I was spending time with Andria.

That weekend I asked her if she wanted to eat dinner in my room on Sunday. It took me HOURS to conjure up the guts to call her. But I did end up calling her, and we had dinner. I cooker pasta for us and bought champagne. Boy, was I a nervous monkey. But was it worth it.

We ate and watched Family Guy and she held my hand while we were watching and it was cool.

When walking back to her dorm, I did what every guy tells me not to. I told her I liked her.

I wanted to say it, I was holding back. And the more I held back, the more nervous I got. So I had to tell her. I figured if she didn't like me I would just end it at that.

But she told me she liked me back. That was the most awe inspiring, jaw dropping moment EVER. I quickly replied with a doubtful "REALLY?" That seemed to be the word of the night. In front of her dorm, when saying goodbye to her, she kissed me on the lips. The first real account of Euphoric Splendor, was that. Right after, I said "REALLY?" again. My mind was racing, my heart beating. I didn't know what to do. Halfway back to my dorm I was in fuck it mode and just called her. I told her that she's making me go crazy, and that she had to sign me into the dorms.

She laughed and said ok, and I ran over there. I haven't been that happy in so long. I enjoy being with her, and highly anxious to see what develops in our relationship.

Well that's it for the first chapter of the Paul and Andria saga. I'm going to dub it "The Pandria Saga" and maybe make a little panda for an icon. I'll share the first big date in the next update. I'll work on the layout and post some videos up soon.